I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
