just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
