yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
