I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
