yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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