FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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