Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
