I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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