how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
