i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
