I wannas sexs uuuuu
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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