A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
