He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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