I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
