I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
