that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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