I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
