I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
