Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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