Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
