I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
