reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
