He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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