he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
