dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
