ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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