There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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