do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
