...so i touched it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
