he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
