would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
