p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
whose parrot is this?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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