Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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