if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
