ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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