I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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