girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
