it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
