Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
