If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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