So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
