tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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