So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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