SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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