Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
