You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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