glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
