Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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