My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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