you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
two words: eviction party
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
