Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
