I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she peed on how many people?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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