I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
