I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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