dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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