drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
