Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
