How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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