one two three fourrrrnication!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
