We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize