So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
