First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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