I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
