Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
