Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize