If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So vagazzling was a success
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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