So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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