well I can't set my house on fire every night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
