I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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