nut hugger
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
