My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
