i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just gift wrapped bread.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
