going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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